Pray
by obsessedwithstabler
Summary: Elliot Stabler thought he had felt his heart break before. When his first girlfriend broke up with him, when his baby first went to kindergarten, and more recently, when his wife divorced him almost two years ago. But he realized now that was nothing.


A tearjerker. Have Kleenex ready. You have been warned.

Disclaimer: Not mine!

SVUSVUSVUSVUSVU

Elliot Stabler thought he had felt his heart break before.

When his first girlfriend broke up with him, when his baby first went to kindergarten, and more recently, when his wife divorced him almost two years ago.

But he was realizing now, that was nothing.

He walked through his eerily quiet apartment, his feet moving as though they had lead in them. But his heart was even heavier, and each breath he took seemed to crush him.

He reached his bedroom door and peered into the room. In their bed, his new wife was sleeping. He let out a soft breath. Thank God. She hadn't been able to sleep through the night for a while, and when she woke up, she usually was screaming.

He couldn't blame her. Even now, he wanted to fall to his knees and scream in agony and utter despair.

Why? Why did it have to happen?

He never claimed to be a perfect man, or even a great man. But Olivia didn't deserve to go through that. She just didn't. Hadn't she suffered enough in her life? Why did she have to know this terrible pain, too?

He crept over to the bed and watched her jerk and toss in her sleep. Unable to stop himself, he reached down and gently smoothed her hair out of her face. "Shh..." he whispered, running his thumb over her furrowed brow. He didn't dare say that it would be okay, because there was a gaping hole in their hearts that could never be filled.

She finally settled, and he leaned over to kiss her cheek softly before he left the room again. Closing the door behind himself, he continued down the hall. With each step he took, the hole in his heart became wider and more painful. Why did things like this have to happen?

He finally stopped in front of the door that they had avoided since he brought Olivia home from the hospital.

With Kathy, it had been so easy. Of course they were kids, and the pregnancy hadn't been without it's risks. But everything had just happened. And even though each pregnancy had really been unplanned, it all seemed effortless.

Then when he and Olivia had decided to get pregnant, he assumed it would be just as easy. A few nights with no protection, and bam, they would have a baby.

Six months went by before they finally got that little plus sign, and as he held her, he knew their lives would never be the same.

How right he had been.

He took a long breath and finally pushed the door open. The room was filled with hope and promise, awaiting a baby girl that would never come home.

He pressed his hand to his mouth as the tears fell. He would never meet his baby, their baby. The baby girl with brown eyes and doe eyes that he had pictured so many times as Olivia's belly grew.

No one was really sure what had happened. Everything seemed to be fine, until he had accompanied Olivia to an ultrasound with the hope of hearing their baby's heart beat again.

Olivia realized it first as the technician moved the wand around her belly. It was only when she started to cry that he realized he couldn't hear his daughter's little heart beat.

He sobbed as he backed out of the room and closed the door on that bright future. Her doctor had assured them that this kind of thing happened, and that it wasn't because of anything Olivia had done wrong. But of course Olivia didn't believe it. She was convinced that she had done something to bring something so terrible and tragic on them.

He stumbled into the bedroom and crawled into bed with her, pulling her into his arms. For the past few nights, she had refused to be held or even touched. But he couldn't let her keep bottling it up.

She stiffened. "El..."

"Shh..." He kissed her head and tangled his fingers in her hair.

She shivered as a few tears fell down her cheeks. "I'm sorry..."

He held her tighter. "No, sweetheart. You didn't do anything," he whispered, rubbing her back slowly. "This isn't your fault. And when you're ready, we can try again."

She buried her face in his chest. "She was our baby..."

"I know," he choked out. "She was, and we'll never forget her." How could they? She had been a part of them, proof of their undying love and devotion to each other.

"Why did this happen, Elliot?" she whispered, grasping his shirt tightly.

"I... I don't know, Olivia. These things happen. But... we'll get through it." He gently stroked her hair. Somehow, they would find a way through it.

She inhaled deeply, and a sob bubbled up in her throat. For five months, she had felt their baby grow within her. She had talked to that baby, told her her thoughts and secrets, and her plans and hopes for the future.

And just like that, she was gone.

Elliot rolled onto his back, gently pulling Olivia with him so that she was laying on his chest. "I know it's never going to be the same, Olivia," he breathed. "But... we just have to take it day by day." He had to believe that this had not been for nothing. Sometimes nature screwed up, and this was the result of not quite getting it right. He knew women who suffered this same loss and went on to have perfectly healthy children. He had to believe that it would be the same for them. They weren't getting younger, but he couldn't believe that God would give a crackwhore a perfect baby, and not give Olivia one of her own. He had to believe that.

Through everything they saw at work, through everything they knew and felt, he had to keep the hope that they would have a baby one day. And all of this pain, even though it wouldn't completely go away, would ease just a little.

He had to keep that hope alive.

Eventually Olivia fell into an exhausted sleep, but Elliot couldn't. So he watched her and prayed to God that one day, that room down the hall would no longer serve as a reminder of their broken dreams and lost child.

Maybe one day, instead of their apartment being filled with silence, it would be overflowing with life and laughter.

He could only pray.

The End.

A/N: I know, heartbreaking. I am contemplating a sequel, or second chapter. Thoughts? Comments? Thanks for reading, and please review!


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